Dealing With Loneliness

Introduction

It has been a very long time since I have attempted to write a post like this. It has been many years in fact. Over the last several months, God has been dealing with my heart personally on a few different topics. In conversation with a dear friend, it was mentioned about a blog post. I felt like this may have been some direction from the Lord, so here I am endeavoring to share some of my thoughts with you.

I suppose that every one of us has a soap box. That is that one topic that we love to wax eloquent on, and share all our opinions and expertise. We are currently in an election year here in the United States, which means that opinions and politics seem to run rampant all around us.  Please allow me a few minutes to share a topic that is particularly special to me. This is something that I have personally wrestled with for a very long time. We all know that it’s easy to look at and identify problems and issues. It is altogether another thing to bring solutions to these problems and issues to the table. That is what my intent is today, bring a solution for your consideration. This is where we begin

The Man

The keys rattled as they fell to the floor. He sighs as yet another thing has gone wrong, it seems like the entire world has been closing in on him recently. The pressure, stress, and issues seem to be accumulating quicker than it takes to even recognize them. The little things like the keys slipping from his hands just seems to add insult to injury as he is carrying all of the heavy bags into the church building.

There is something that seems to be nagging at him more as the time slowly ticks by, it is a feeling that he has struggled to identify. You see he has served God for many years. This church building is not a new place for him, for he is that pastor of this church. He has spent so many hours here. He has had great victories within these walls! He has seen people filled with the power of God, lives transformed, and those who have received great victories.

As of late, it almost seems that these walls have been caving in on him. The rooms just seem like they are getting smaller and smaller. The struggle has taken its toll on his mind, his emotions, its effects have had deep impact on his confidence, and faith. And yet, he will stand before the congregation again this morning and declare the goodness and faithfulness of God. If only he could truly identify this desire that has been pulling at him.

It isn’t that he has sinned or wandered away from God. He isn’t hiding a some hidden sin or shortcoming. He is a student of God’s word and is a man of prayer. He has strong convictions! A deep longing for a move of God and revival in his city has driven him for as long as he can remember. It is the overwhelming struggles and frustrations that have been such a burden to him.

If only he had someone that he could confide in. If someone would simply pick up the phone and give him a call or even send a text. He feels isolated and alone. The stress of all the responsibilities and struggles have taken their effect. Even at home, he is often distracted, seemingly far away from his family, while even in the same room. The thoughts and the weight of the work still on his shoulders. Not to mention the stress of working a secular job as well to support his family. It seems like a never ending struggle! The headaches, and constant weariness, is there an end to this constant cycle?

Then there is the thought that if he show’s vulnerability and weakness, that his peers would think less of him. He is a pastor, a man of God, he should be a stone! He is supposed to be a pillar of strength and resilience.

The Research

You may feel like you are alone in the struggle, but my friend, please be assured that you are not alone! There was a study that was performed by the Barna Group that since the pandemic, there is been an increase in the number of Pastors who have serious consideration of leaving the ministry. There were a number of contributing factors to this.

One of the key factors that was identified in the “State of the Pastors, Volume 2” study, identified that there is a lack of mentorship, and peer support among pastors and ministers. There is a key point here that I want to emphasize to you all today! I know that it seems so cliche to use the old phrase, “United we stand, divided we fall”. The truth of the matter is that there is much more truth in this, than we care to realize.

The effects of loneliness are much more pervasive than we often realize. By nature, as humans, we are social beings. When we are isolated and alone, it has profound effects on our health. We realize through the isolation of the pandemic, that it can have drastic effects on our mental and physical health. We saw through the statistics during the lockdowns that there was in increase in mental health crisis. The isolation took away the social connection that we crave and need.

We can take a lesson from the very beginning. Adam was in the garden, paradise, where God had placed him. It was here where God observed the workings of Adam and he made the observation that “It is not good that man should be alone.” (Gen. 2:18) So many times we associate that with the marriage relationship, but it goes beyond that. It’s not good for a man or woman, to try and carry the burden of ministry alone! We can even see this in the ministry of Jesus. When he sent the seventy out, how did he send them? He sent them out two by two. (Luke 10:1)

What can we do?

I know that this may seem to be over simplistic, but here it goes. So many times were are often waiting for someone to make the first step. We often think that it should be on others to make the first step. The scripture tells us that “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly.” (Proverbs 18:24) The first step that we need to take is to pick up the phone! Send an email!

The research tells us, that there is a significant likelihood that the person you are reaching out to is just as lonely as you are. We can change this trend! You are the solution to this epidemic of loneliness and isolation. It simply takes someone to make the first step. It is truly amazing how much strength can be gained over a single cup of coffee!

A personal note

Isolation is a very real thing! I remember a period of time in my own life several years ago when I felt very isolated and alone. I had been hurt, and felt as though I had been abandoned by my friends. I remember days and evenings when it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. It got to the point to where even the simplest inconveniences would even feel magnified! You see, I felt just like the man at the beginning of the post. I remember many evenings sitting at home, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, someone to encourage me. Even if there was someone out there that would just sit there and be present. At the same time, I didn’t know what to do. I remember just wishing someone would reach out to me, being overwhelmed with loneliness. I also didn’t want others to perceive that I was being “needy” or “weak”. I felt as though I was an endless circle of despair.

I was very blessed to have a friend that did reach out to me, and was able to talk with me over a cup of coffee. It was nothing prolific, or earth shattering. It was a decent cup of coffee, with much needed conversation. I will confess to you, that some of the most powerful conversations I have had in the last several years have been over a cup of coffee! In a coffee shop, or restaurant.. whether it has been in Bangor, Ellsworth, or in Bar Harbor God has moved in to so many of these conversations and brought strength, direction, and encouragement to me, as well as to those that have joined in as well!

The Secret

The secret to defeating loneliness, isn’t a secret at all. One of the things that we tend to do is over analyze things. We often think in worse case scenarios. One of the questions is how can I do this? What do I say? Here is the simple answer, it’s not what you say or what you do at all. The secret to it all is this isn’t complicated at all. Here it is, just be there! We often get caught up in the minutia of what ifs. So many times, after numerous conversations, the thing that I have learned is this. Being present and listening is the key.

So as I conclude the marathon as a return to writing, please take these words of encouragement. Pick up that phone, go ahead and sent that text message. Grab that cup of coffee and take the time to actually sit in the shop and spend time together. We are all laborers and working together, for the Kingdom of God. We can encourage each other, and grow the kingdom together. We can make a difference in the lives of our friends, our fellow ministers, and the kingdom. We can do this by simply being there for them!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. I pray that your day is blessed.